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Dealing with money worries

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Blog by Mahfoozur Rahman

Most of us have faced it to a certain degree at some point in our life. The pitch-black pit of debt can become overwhelming to the point where you lose hope in yourself, your family, your community and the system. Sleep becomes a distant friend that has forgotten to visit for a long time. The sheer feeling of ‘no light at the end of the tunnel’ becomes prominent in your mind. You feel alone with no scope of escape. Desperation kicks in, stress builds up, and depression starts to knock on your doorstep. You slowly feel yourself crawling into the shrouds of denial, letting it engulf you with its deceiving warmth just like a mirage in the desert, thinking it will go away in a puff of smoke. The letters start to fall on to your doormat like the snow on a cold winter night until the doormat becomes no more. The phone rings, the emails notifications ping, the vibration of the texts, creating an orchestra like no other. But you don’t care anymore, for you are safe, safe inside the blanket of denial.  
 
Many people out there can easily relate to that scenario I have depicted, and almost everyone will feel it is ‘only’ them that are facing this alone. How do I know? Well, I was one of those ‘many’. There were times I would become numb and lost, unable to think. Isolation became one of my best friends as I did not have the means to socialise, to blend in and be like the rest. Friends circle started to diminish as it became difficult to meet the financial demands needed. 
 
But I guess I can class myself as one of the lucky few that managed to pluck up the courage and seek out help. It was only when I had hit rock bottom that it struck me like a lightning bolt, that there was nowhere else to go but up. So slowly, with the support of friends (the few I had left) and my family I managed to crawl out of the cave that I buried myself in and start to open those letters, organising them in order of priority and started to deal with my debts, all the while telling myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen when I am already at the bottom of the pit’. As I stepped forward bravely to resolve my issues, it wasn’t long before I could see the twinkle of hope shining up yonder, growing larger every time I opened a letter or answered a phone call. Its welcoming glow beckoning me towards its warmth. 
 
It took a while, but I managed to deal with my issues one by one to get myself to where I am. Throughout this whole experience, amongst many things, I have learnt that when you feel broken, when you are in a dark place with no glimmer of hope, when your world seems to be crumbling, crashing around you, you should never lose faith in yourself. Faith in your ability to be able to deal with any problem you face in your life. All you need is the courage to step forward and seek help, face your problem instead of shying away, thinking it will go away if you ignore it. 
 
Going through all the troubles and tribulation in my life is why I have always strived to work in sectors that provide help to my local community, for I have known what it is like being in the lion’s den. It is one of the many reasons that makes me feel proud to be working for Debt Free London. An organisation equipped with the resources, not to mention kind-hearted people, who are ready to provide the support needed to help people like my former self see the light.  
 
So, to all who are out there, feeling broken, lost and isolated with not a glimmer of hope, I send you this message - we are here, we are waiting.